TV: Grandpa called it "the idiot box".

Do you watch the TV show "This Is Us"?  I do.  AJ, Abby and I discuss it sometimes.  I'm usually more fond of comedies, baseball, hockey and Hallmark movies.  Although as many of you know I can't watch post season play that involves my Cardinals or my Blues.  It makes me too anxious.  So right now... it's just baseball.  The sports are what we call in our house - "reality TV". 

But back to "This Is Us."  The series is coming to an end and tomorrow night (Tuesday) will be the last show.  The series finale.  Last Tuesday was the second to the last one.  It was amazing.  If you don't know much about the show, it is about a family with 3 children.  2 sons, 1 daughter, 2 white children and 1 adopted black child.  The series has, through flash backs and sneak peeks forward, shared the life, dynamics and intertwined relationships of this family.  Tuesdays episode fast forwarded the family by probably 10 years as it showed the mother in her final days of Alzheimer's.  Last Tuesday was her final day.  
There were some interesting conversations as she subconsciously made her mental path backwards through her life leading to the caboose of life.  The train metaphor was something only real fans would remember and understand. Real fans would also be the ones who understood some of the people her memory encountered on her final journey.  But 2 things were extremely enlightening to me.
Now, I have to stop and say, this has happened to me before through the wonders of television.  Many years ago a show called "Picket Fences" aired a Christmas related story that really stuck with me.  Just like this episode of "This Is Us", there were 2 conversations within the story that have caused me to reflect on them sometimes. From "Picket Fences" I contemplate that...   1. Doctors can do all they can for a patient and when they can't do anymore, the only thing left for them to do is pray. We think they have all the answers.  But they need God just as much as anyone.  2.  When Christ does come to us again, will we really, really be ready to accept the responsibility and have the courage to defend that He is who He says He is?  What government would relinquish all power to Him.  Would the Pope himself step aside?  
Yes, that's a lot, but it has stuck with me for many years.  Especially #2.  What will we do? What will I do?  What will YOU do?

This past Tuesday on "This Is Us", when the dying mother was taking that mental walk through her life, she shared with the doctor who delivered the children that she made a lot of mistakes.  Side note:  In the show she tragically lost her husband when the children were teenagers so she was a single parent from then on.  He told her there are "no perfect games in parenting, not even close."   Yes, I've known that for years and can certainly identify with the imperfections of the parenting game, but what he followed up with really stuck with me.  He told her that her job with her children was complete and now she just has to trust the process. Even with all the mistakes made, she really made a great thing of it all.  A "big, messy, gigantic, spectacular thing." 

Have you met my son?  I always said I wasn't a perfect mother.  I didn't marry the perfect father and we didn't have the perfect son.  But, what we had and continue to have is something pretty amazing.  We have something pretty messy and quite spectacular. In spite of his imperfect parents and this imperfect world, AJ grew up just fine.  He's an adult that we are very proud of.  (as predicted by one of his 6th grade teachers - almost verbatim).
Did we make mistakes?  YEP!!!  In the past few years as I have looked back I can give you quite a list of the things we did wrong.  Specifically, the things I did wrong.  The places where I screwed up or dropped the parent ball.  But, I also realized this... that AJ might just have a list of his own.  I hope he is forgiving of the times when he felt that we let him down.  Times when we messed up as parents.  But, here's the irony of all that.  I'm sure that his list and my list would be comprised of completely different events.  What the doctor was saying to Rebecca in the show the other night was to give yourself a break.  Allow yourself to forgive your humanness. Trust the process.  

Even though he's all grown up, I know that our job won't be done until we lay down in our own caboose.  Jack and I want to always do anything we can for him and his family.  Whatever they need.  But, he and Abby are navigating their way through life, careers and parenting. Dr. Phil always says you shouldn't try to be friends with your children.  I understand some of that.  When they are young, you are not their friend.  You're the parent.  The teacher.  The tour guide through life.  But, when they become adults and you let go of the parenting reins a bit, then you can become friends.  Maybe older, somewhat wiser friends who can still help them navigate some things in life.  As parents and humans, they'll make mistakes. As the older wiser, parents, humans and friends - we'll still make mistakes. But Reilly will be just fine because she has all she needs.  She has 2 parents who adore her and adore each other.  She has 4 grandparents willing to support her in all she does and never say "no".  Okay, maybe not "never".  She'll hear "no", if it involves her safety or the purchase of a Cubs or Blackhawks shirt.  But, in today's world, having all that love and guidance behind her - that's everything. Trust me.  I spent a lot of time working in schools.  Elementary, middle and high.  So when I know a child has all that, it is easy to "trust the process".   Easier and more comforting to Trust God. 

At the very end of the show when the mother finally reaches the caboose, she tells her guide (who happens to be the biological father of her black son), that the ending is very sad.  He tells her if something makes you sad when it ends, it must have been pretty wonderful when it was happening.  Somewhere in there is the message to enjoy each day.  At least that's the message I take with me.  Enjoy it for what it is.  Not always perfect.  But there are so many good things in life to celebrate.  So many things to be thankful for.  Enjoy the wonderful while it is happening.  The end may still be sad.  There may still be bad things, sad things and unsettling things that happen along the way.  But enjoy the good.  Mr. Rogers tells us to "look for the good when bad things happen."  (By the way, Mr. Rogers loves me just the way I am.)

Yes, we've all heard the clichés.
  
"Worrying does not take away tomorrow's trouble.  It only takes away today's peace."
"You can't change yesterday, but you can ruin today by worrying about tomorrow."
"One day at a time."

I'd heard all those quotes and more.  But this time it was with full illustration. I'm a visual learner.  This more than anything in any of the above messages has flipped a switch in my head.

I'm trying to focus more on the good things in life.  There should be no complaints from me.  I have the best life partner ever. The greatest son and daughter-in-law.  The absolute most beautiful granddaughter.  A wonderful extended family.  And now, what in just a few short weeks appears to be the smartest and best cocker spaniel granddog.  Life really is good.  Include God in your every day and it's even better.

Life and relationships can be very complicated.  They can be heartbreaking.  Sometimes difficult to navigate.  And yet, they are a "big, messy, gigantic, spectacular thing." 

Post Note and more TV Trivia:  Gerald McRaney who played the doctor on "This Is Us", is one of my favorite actors.  In the 80's he was on a show called "Simon and Simon".  He and his brother were private detectives. He played Rick, the wilder of the two.  Jameson Parker played his brother - the youngest but more responsible one of the two.  Always in a suit, etc.  His character's name was A.J.

John was always going to happen.  But when we put Andrew before it, it just sort of popped out at us.