Merry Christmas My Loves

Several years ago, I saw an acquaintance a few days after Christmas.  I asked if she'd had a good Christmas.  This person was in her 40's.  She might have even been in her early 50's. Her response astonished me. Again... Did you have a nice Christmas?  "Yes, I got everything I wanted."
Wow!  I didn't say it, but I thought.... "how sad."  THIS is how she measures a nice Christmas?  By the stuff she gets?  Again, she wasn't 4 years old!  She was more than 10 times that.  An adult. 

This morning on FaceBook, another friend shared some wise words.  (She usually does).
She had a post where she said at this time of the year, she doesn't want Christmas to get here just yet. I agree.  The anticipation of time with family is really something special to look forward to.  My friend said she wants the family time to last longer than forever.  The laughter and love to last even longer than that and the joy we all have to be with us and in our hearts for infinity.  
Whatever Santa brings doesn't compare to the best gifts of all:  Family, friends, love and laughter.
She mentioned the pride at who their adult children have become and the individuals their grand littles already are. 

In our case, Jack and I have tremendous pride at the loving husband and doting daddy our son has become.  We are proud of the beautiful love of his life that God led him to, and the loving wife and amazing mommy she is.  We love watching the blossoming of our granddaughter as she becomes a smart, kind and caring human being. And we look forward to the arrival of her little sister in a month. When we will start the process of watching another beautiful human unfold.  And we want to spend every moment we can with them all.

I smile when I type all that because I can still hear the late, great Jimmy Guess (our best man) saying what you should be is a "useful and productive citizen for society."  But.. I digress.  (I usually do, and I can see Debra Pollard rolling her eyes at that.)

Notice I didn't extol the virtues of how our children are employed so they can be productive for society.  They are both very good at their jobs.  But in the end, it is relationships that matter most.  It's not how you put the food on the table that matters.  It's not the actual food on the table.  It's who is around the table with you.  It's not what's under the tree, it's who's around it.   

Like, Jimmy and Debra, there are friends and family who are only in our memories. We should be thankful for the time we had with them.  The laughter and the love. And all this should make us more grateful for those who are still with us. I mean, my goodness... Covid took so much of our family time away, we should realize more than ever how precious time with family and friends can be.  I just pray that my friend in the first paragraph has learned this by now.

So be sure to cherish the gifts you get.  The gifts that smile, breath, love and hug you.  The gifts that sit beside you and eat with you; laugh with you; pray with you.  THIS is how you should measure Christmas.  This.  This and thanking God for His Greatest Gift of all.  The One that really does last an eternity.  Happy Birthday, Jesus!

"Nothing is as over as Christmas."

Sissy's mom, Nanny Gran Gran, said it best.  "Nothing is as over as Christmas."
Nanny, or as we call her ngg was right about many things, many times.

Thursday the 29th, I decided to take down all the green and fling.  I know, many people say it's bad luck to take it down before New Year's.  Others prefer to leave it up until the Epiphany. As for me, I am usually done with it all by the 26th.  But, this time I waited a few more days.  I just wasn't in the mood yet.  But, when I was, I was.  Down.  Done.  The many totes were in the guest room for a while waiting for my cousin's sons to come over and take them all downstairs. But, then after a few days, I got antsy.  Jack and I slowly took them down.  A few at a time.  Rested.  A few more.  Rested.  A few more.  Yes, there are a lot. Each year I think I'll cut back on the decor.  Each year, I think when Christmas is over, I'll make a pile of decorations that just don't appeal to me or are just a bit too much.  Once again, this year, I found very few Christmas decorations that I want to part with.

Many have sentimental value.  Do you think I'll ever part with the ornaments AJ made in 2nd grade?  Will I ever get rid of my Longaberger sleighs?  AJ's "Christmas oofy" (Oofy was another name for dog, since they make an "oof oof" sound).  Our Christmas Oofy has a wooden candy cane in his mouth with Snoopy's teeth prints?  Can't part with that family heirloom.  Of course, my beautiful Home Interiors ceramic nativity set with a wooden stable made by a local man many years ago.  I don't think I'll ever part with any of the above.
I just love it all. And a great deal that I didn't mention. It takes me about 2-3 days to get it all put out and done.  It takes a full day to get it put away and boxed up in about 10 totes.  
And, when it's done.  It's done.  ngg was right.  When it's over, it's over.

I used to say that my favorite month of the year was January.  All the fan fare is over and done, we Midwesterners can hibernate for a month or two.  It's always a good time to clean out closets and drawers.  There have been a few Januarys in the past several years that I haven't been able to get all that done.  I'm hoping this is one where I will.  But if I haven't learned anything else in my 65 years, I should have learned that the best laid plans don't always come true.  It's still okay to plan ahead and be hopeful.  Jack's Christmas gift from me is a trip to Philadelphia to see his favorite former Blues player.  We'll do that about 3 days after we go see that same player return to St. Louis for the first time since the trade that broke Jack's heart.  So we plan ahead.  But be prepared for anything.  Be flexible.  And know that if and when things change, there is perhaps a reason.  God's plan will always outweigh your own plans.  Just adapt and go with it. I'm learning all this.  

So here we are at a time when everyone says either to themselves or out loud... This is what I'm going to do in the New Year.  This is how I will improve myself starting in 2023 and going forward.  This. 
I learned long ago not to make any resolutions out loud.  And definitely not on the internet.  Last time I did that it sort of backfired, big time! 
I decided a few years ago that the best we can do is to try and follow God's plan for us.  Talk to Him every day.  Be thankful for all the good things in our lives and discuss all the rough patches with Him.  

We've had some rough patches lately.  The weekend before Christmas my sinuses kicked up.  We spent that Saturday with AJ, Abby and Reilly for Abby's birthday brunch.  Then, I went to see my friend Kelley for a bit.  (2 cars - Jack went home).  Sunday, we went to church.  Later that afternoon we went to Landon and Carter's Christmas program at their school and after that Jack and I went to Steak n Shake with Paul and Holly.  The whole time I had sinus issues.  Just a few hours after supper, I felt more of a cough and then a slight fever.  Oh my.  Should I test?  Do I really want to know the answer to that test a week before Christmas?  I decided I needed to know.  I tested.  Positive.  I was so sad and mad.  I mean... I'd come this far Covid-free.  For the first time in 38 years, I booted Jack out of the bed.  This is my domain now and you are in the other parts of the house.  I would isolate better in one room with a TV and attached bathroom.  My fever was only elevated a couple of hours and was gone. 

The next morning, I called my doctor's office.  No need for a professional test. If it's positive, it positive.  I took from that, that you can get a false negative from a home test, but not a false positive. They gave me quite the cocktail of vitamins to take.  C, D, Zinc, Aspirin 325.  I had a FaceTime visit with the doctor later.  There is a new drug that I could also take since I'm just a few days into symptoms.  So... I did all that.  I let everyone know that we'd been with those 2 days what was going on. None of them got sick.  We were planning Christmas Day here with the Leefers family, so I alerted them all that Christmas was on hold. Although the doctor told me in 5 days from the start of symptoms, I would no longer be contagious.  I really just felt like I had a bad cold.  Each day it was better.  I figured my day 5 was Thursday, but I didn't go anywhere until Friday.  Walmart with a mask on.  We decided to go forward with Christmas.  I told everyone they would need to decide based on their own comfort level.  Everyone came.  Again, no Covid for any of them.
However... more rough patches.  Our sweet Reilly developed pink eye.  A Christmas Eve trip to the ER for some eye drops and we thought all would be okay.  But Christmas morning, her eyes were still a bit crusty, so the kids decided they would spend the morning with us but go home before everyone else came.  They didn't want to subject the other 1.5 year old or the 10 month old to pink eye.  We really had a great morning with them.  Thankfully we do a light Christmas sandwich and chili meal these days and all that was ready.  Christmas was a cock-eyed success and a blessing for this Gigi and Pop.
Then, came more... oh yes, more.  Around New Years, AJ developed hand, foot, mouth disease.  Yes, we know it's a child thing, but adults can get it too.  He and one other dad from the daycare got this.  (weird)  I'm sure it was quite nasty for him from what I know about it and what others who have experienced it told me. I worried.  That's what we Mama's do.  Although Abby spent some days working from home, (as does AJ), she and Reilly spent nights at her parents to give him space to really rest and kept them away from the virus.  That was successful, too, except they both did get the stomach virus that her sister and nephew had before Christmas. 
Whew.... to say I'm sick and tired of us being sick and tired is an understatement.  You see, over Christmas weekend, I had no symptoms, but the week they were all down and sick, I developed sinus issues again.  That has subsided once again.  I've asked to be referred to an ear, nose and throat doctor.  

We wanted to see our kids (we cancelled a visit on the 2nd due to all the above).  We still had 3 big bags full of Leefers family gifts for Reilly.  This past Saturday, AJ texted that they were all feeling much better and we could come Sunday if we wanted. We wanted!  We went. The bonus in going now is that AJ and Abby could both take a nap that afternoon while we handled Reilly and Layla-pup.  We got carry out for supper and once Reilly was down for the count we went home. 
LAYING EYES ON 
My friend, Kelley uses the term "Laying eyes on.... (someone)"  You can talk to them and nowadays even FaceTime someone but sometimes, especially when there's been a health issue (physical or mental)... you just want to lay eyes on them.  If you're a Mama, you get it.  It did my heart so much good to lay eyes on AJ.  Yes, the girls, too, but this was an odd virus with yukky symptoms and I just needed to see him.  I can't begin to tell you how this Mama's heart and soul have been transitioned from last week to this week just because I laid eyes on him.

I hope not only is Christmas over, but I hope that our health issues are over for a long while.
Praise and thanks to the One Who got us through it all.
I hope you are all heading into a safe, happy and healthy 2023. 

A Baby Just Like You

'tis the season....

I like Christmas music.  I tend to fall into singing a Christmas song just about any time throughout the year.  

I think my favorite traditional songs are "What Child is This?", "Oh Holy Night", "Joy to the World" (not the 3-Dog Night version - although I like that one, too.) and "Hark the Herald Angels Sing".

Then there are a couple of non-traditional songs.  Like "The Little Drummer Boy" as sung by Bing Crosby and David Bowie.  The song is traditional, their version is not.  Although I believe it's become a Christmas Classic.  Then, there's my favorite of all.   "A Baby Just Like You," by John Denver.

"The season is upon us now.  A time for gifts and giving. And as the year draws to it's close, I think about my living."
  

Wow... yes, living.  Life.  There has been a lot of sadness and loss in our little community lately.  Enough to make us all grateful for being able to get up every day and appreciate each day that God provides for us.  There's been so much in the past few weeks.  A young grandmother who succumbed to the cancer she'd been fighting for a few years.  A vibrant man who fell down some stairs and didn't survive the fall.  A neighbor's brother suddenly passes leaving a wife and two young children.  A beloved retired teacher who had inspired so many.  My friend's father-in-law.  The daughter of one of my mom and dad's dearest friends (they had passed long ago).  My best friend's half-sister.  So many more than I can list.  
Just over a year and a half ago, my friend Deb was in hospice.  Now, I have another friend, Deb, in hospice.  We've been friends since high school and eventually co-workers at that same high school.  This one was fast.  She was just diagnosed about a month ago.  She doesn't want to see anyone, so I can only send texts that are encouraging and "thinking of you, praying for you (and hubby)".  I can't imagine what this is like for her.  And I don't think it's fair.  I have to rely on my faith in trying to understand.  

"The Christmastime when I was young, the magic and the wonder. But colors dull and candles dim and dark my standing-under."

I have vague memories of specific Christmases as a child.  The one where I got my small kitchen set.   My really cool 70's watch with interchangeable mod bands.  Cool clothes that I always wore to the Carlinville Holiday basketball tournament. My Thumbelina doll. I don't remember when I got my Pebbles doll, but she was always my favorite.  Kind of like me and Kelley.  We don't remember when we met, but... always my favorite.  My Grandma Leefers being with us on Christmas morning.  Then we packed up and when to my Grandma and Grandpa Lancaster's where all the aunts, uncles and cousins would soon arrive.  I remember my Great-Grandma being there.  I remember her smiling at me as she sat in the yellow step-stool chair in the kitchen. I remember a dish of mints that was always up high on the china cabinet, but if you wanted one, you just had to ask Grandpa.  He could reach them and the answer was always "yes".

"Oh little angel, shining light, you've set my soul to dreaming.  You've given back my joy in life, you've filled me with new meaning."

If you know me at all, I don't have to explain much about WHO that is these days.  I used to think it about A.J., but now... Reilly Grace tops my list. So much joy, love, entertainment.  Yes, she is quite entertaining.  Always on the go.  My delightful little angel. My shining light.  My soul dreams. My whole world.

"A Savior King was born that day, a baby just like you."

Oh my, yes. As we remember Jesus we usually think of his ministry. The 30ish Man who led His disciples.  His miracles, His healings, His words of wisdom, His teachings and lessons.  Only at this time of the year do we remember that He, too, was just a little baby.  A blessed baby with tremendous wisdom from the beginning, but yet a baby.  Who still needed to learn to walk and talk and be weaned from His Mother.  I always wonder if He took in the world and His surroundings as a toddler just like our Reilly and her toddler peers do now.  Slowly examining things.  Putting them in their mouth to feel and assess.  Did He discover the world the way we did as toddlers?  The way our children did?  They way our grandchildren do?  Or did He know from day one what everything was.  What it's purpose in the world was. Thankfully, He knew what His purpose was.

"And as the Magi came with gifts, I come with my gift, too. That Peace on Earth fills up your time, that Brotherhood surrounds you, that you may know the warmth of love and wrap it all around you."

That was and still is my wish for A.J.  I wish it 1000 times over for Reilly.  I have tears just wishing all these things for her and her world. And I pray every day that she will have the strength, compassion, courage and wisdom to handle anything that comes her way. Because I fear the world will not be engulfed fully in peace.  There may not be a complete feeling of brotherhood surrounding her.  And sometimes the world may not feel like a place of love. But I hope she always feels the love of her family and friends.  I pray she knows there are many who will love her and be there for anything she needs. I pray she will seek them out when she needs them. I pray she will seek Jesus when she needs Him, too.
This Gigi will be there.  Pop will be there.  Mommy, Daddy, Nana, PaPa, Aunt Ash, Uncle Joe and Carter.  And there are so many more.  Most will be around to celebrate next weekend. Celebrating the One Who taught us to love. 

"It's just a wish, a dream I'm told, from days when I was young.  Merry Christmas Little [Reilly], Merry Christmas Everyone.
Merry Christmas, Little [Reilly].  Merry Christmas Everyone."

 

News. But not much opinion.

Where, oh where have I been?  I know I've said before I didn't want to start each blog explaining why it has been a while since my last one.  But this time it's very much a part of the story.

My last blog was about 3 months ago.  Wow... even I didn't realize it was that long.  August was just semi-normal, but busy.  Little boy soccer and baseball, various appointments and meetings and getting all signed up for my Medicare crossover.  Plus a few birthdays, including the most beautiful child on the planet.  Our Reilly Grace turned one and had a great party.  Cake from head to toe and tons of presents.  That day, August 14th, was a great day.  

Reilly Grace

Then, came September.  My mom turned 92, so Jack and I and my brothers and spouses took her out to a nice dinner.  Two days after that, Jack and I were on a plane (2 planes) headed for our trip out west.  Two planes because nothing was straight through.  We flew to Denver, then hopped a plane to Great Falls, Montana.  From there we rented a car and drove to St. Mary, MT, on the south east edge of Glacier National Park.  We took a bus trip into the Park the next day.  We like to do tours as you let someone else do the driving and there is always narration from the driver that contains a lot of information.  We saw a couple of bears and other wildlife in the park. After that, we drove farther north to Many Glacier Lodge where we took a boat ride on Swiftcurrent Lake, then a quarter mile hike over to Lake Josephine for another boat ride.  We saw a Mama moose and her baby walking along the edge of Lake Josephine.  We also saw a bear that was up in the mountainside, and less than 100 yards from some hikers who were lower on the mountain.  The boat driver said if we see the bear heading down the mountain we'd head closer to the side of the lake so we could tell them to keep moving.  One of the accessories that is sold everywhere and required of hikers is "bear spray".  I didn't know that was real thing.  We didn't need it because we are not hikers, explorers or campers.  We are just sightseers.   

Glacier National Park

After our few days in the north, we headed south.  An afternoon drive to Helena where we spent the night, then on the next day through parts of Idaho to Jackson Hole, WY.  Which is the same as Jackson, WY.  Jackson is nestled on the East edge of the Grand Tetons.  Do you know what Tetons means?  You'll never believe it. Teton is the French word for "teats".  Yep, the same as "boobs".  And I don't mean idiots, I mean female body parts.  Apparently, the explorers and settlers from long ago were mostly men.  They saw the 3 highest points of this mountain range that are in a row and decided they looked like the women back home.  I think they were really missing the women.  You know how you can exaggerate things in your mind when you haven't seen them for a while.  So in their minds, the women back home had 3 breasts.   

We took an all day bus trip from Jackson into Yellowstone Park.  Again, for us non-hikers this is the way to go.  We had a small bus with 3 other couples and an adorable guide named, Cassidy.  We were picked up right at our hotel about 6:30 a.m. and returned around 7:00 p.m.
What a great day.  Yellowstone is lovely!  I learned that it is actually on an inactive volcano.  However, currently they are seeing activity that makes them wonder if it's going to blow.  
We stopped at many of the sights.  Beautiful waterfalls, the geyser basins, and at one point we had to wait for a herd of buffalo to cross the road.  Finally, we ended at Old Faithful.  It goes off every 90 minutes or so.  There is a number to call in the park to get the next predicted time.  So, our guide planned our stop accordingly.  There is another geyser next to Old Faithful called the Beehive Geyser.  They never know when it will go off, but if it does, it is usually about 10 minutes before Old Faithful.  They day and time we were there, it went off, too. It is higher and longer than Old Faithful, but because it's so unpredictable, it is not as popular.  Old Faithful went off pretty much on the predicted time.  We were also in that area with plenty of time to browse the 3-4 shops that are there.    
Yellowstone also has Steamboat Geyser that blasts water over 300 ft. in the air (as opposed to Old Faithful's 100 ft.)  But Steamboat is very erratic and can remain inactive for months or years.  

Old Faithful as he/she was starting to settle down.

We spent the whole next day exploring and shopping in Jackson Hole and driving out to see the Tetons a bit.  Then, we flew home on a Friday - going through Salt Lake City this time.

We needed to get home because we had another trip in 5 days!  In those 5 days, I had a whole afternoon family reunion with my mom and her cousins.  There were also 4 meetings/appointments between my mom and I and finally we hopped on another plane to Knoxville, TN.  Again, not straight through from STL so we went through Charlotte, NC.  We were meeting our Georgia family for a fun weekend in Pigeon Forge, TN.  Karen and Earl Immel, JoAnn and David Buisson, Beth and John Fahey and Bill Newburg.  4 couples and the single guy.  We had a lovely AirBnb with 5 bedrooms.  We had tons of fun, lots of laughs, lots of catching up, a little shopping and WAY too much food.  We also had a fun night at Dolly's Stampede Dinner Show.  
Before you know it, it was time to hop another plane (or 2) home.  However, when Jack and I got to the gate, we found out our plane to Charlotte was going to be delayed over and hour and that meant we would not make our connection in Charlotte.  So, after working with the nice young man at the counter, the best we could do was leave the next day. I really think he tried everything for us.  So, we spent the night across from the airport and finally got home the following day.  Whew!!

Now we have October!  AJ and Abby went on an anniversary trip.  We took care of Layla pup.  Reilly stayed with her other grandparents so she could remain in daycare and keep her life somewhat normal.  We had a good time with Layla, but she takes a lot of attention.  I also had a sinus infection when she was here, so I really just wanted to sit.  She allowed that sometimes, but kept me up and busy other times.  She really is a good puppy.  My doctor heard "wheezing" in me and got me on meds that fixed the problem.  By the time we returned Layla home, I was well enough to spend some fun time with Reilly - who happens to be walking everywhere.  She'll soon be running.  
Lots more appointments for us old people throughout October.  Plus it was time to start researching if we are going to change anything with our medical insurance.  We are not.
And I've found myself working on the committee for the Talent Show at our church - mark your calendars - April 1, 2023.  Yes, April Fool's Day.  We are doing a Hee Haw themed show.  Jack is so happy because I told him he could wear his bib overalls to church.
I have also taken on a job!  I took the position of Church Treasurer when the one who'd been there for many years was ready to retire.  I enjoy doing bank reconciliations, so that part will be fun.  The reports for the council will be a learning curve, but I'm sure I'll do okay.  And, the signing checks part is pretty easy.  I've had lots of practice!
I hope you all have a fun and safe Halloween!

I think all the busy of the last 3 months is just a warmup for the holidays! 

Conversations with Carter

On Tuesday's my brother Paul and I have lunch at mom's house.  We both bring our sandwiches, but we tend to dig into her M&M bowl after.   Sometimes she has real desserts!
For the past 2 & 1/2 years, during the Pandemic and to this day, I then take her shopping list and mine and get groceries.  There are a few people at Walmart who know when they see me, it's Tuesday.  With 2 lists in my hands, I tend to do a lot of circles around the aisles.

Paul started lunching with my parents one day a week many years ago when he worked in Carlinville.  Once I moved and began working, I eventually started going there for lunch on Tuesday's as well.  Paul had stopped when his Carlinville job stopped, but eventually rejoined the fun.  The past 2 summers, his grandson, Carter joins him.  Carter will be 12 in just a couple of weeks.  He apparently really enjoys his Tuesday lunches in the summer with PawPaw, Gigi and Great Grandma.  Although, he's not happy at all when the Subway people put mayo on his turkey sandwich!!

This past Tuesday, Carter was especially talkative, even though he usually wakes up just minutes before PawPaw picks him up.  Somehow this past Tuesday, the conversation turned to Carter's potential adult life.  What would he do for a job?  I've always told him he could be a preacher.  He has the kindest soul and the most generous and caring heart. And, quite frankly has better moral standards than most adults I know.  But, no, he doesn't think the preacher's life is for him.  He's not too sure about college either.  Even though he has been an honor roll child for years and any college would be happy to have him.  Of course, I pointed out that trade school is good, too.  After all, I know I've paid a bundle over the years to tradesmen.  Plumbers, mechanics, electricians, roof guys, tree guys, etc.  He's not sure about that either.  But, he is sure that his older brother Landon will be a soccer player.  Since Carter had already done the math in his head that day about just how old I'll be in a couple of months,  (2022 minus 19??)  I suggested he could be an accountant and that his brother would need someone to help manage the millions he'll make playing soccer.  Oh, and when that happens, don't forget to take care of your sweet Aunt Gigi who suggested that line of work.  None of those things really appealed to Carter.  I'm perfectly happy with that.  I see no reason why a 12 year old should be deciding his future already anyway.  But it was a fun conversation. 
AJ Sanson did not play for the St. Louis Cardinals, as was his plan around the age of 12. AJ's college degree is in Mass Communications - Print and Electronic Journalism.  I know he would be amazing at that, but he is equally amazing as a Territory Manager for Georgia Pacific.  He tends to like sales.  
Jack studied history in his year & half of college before Uncle Sam said, "We want you."  I studied elementary education in my year & half of college.  I suppose I ultimately came closer than he did to my education.  But, sitting on the sidelines of the education world as I did for many years, I was very glad to take a support role and not have to deal with all that teachers deal with these days.  They had plenty enough to deal with back when I started working on the side in 1995. It hasn't gotten any better.  My sideline education jobs were like being the grandparent.  I could have a lot of fun with the kids, then send them back to the classroom and not deal with the day to day stuff.  
I know in my heart that Carter, Landon and all the little ones in our life will find their own path.  They will change directions many times before they settle in.  Very few people find a passion at a young age and follow through with it.  But, God leads them on the path they are supposed to be on.  
The other aspect of Carter's adult life that we discussed was - would there be a Mrs. Carter.  Well, he's not sure about that either.  Yes, probably.  So I told him that was completely up to him as well.  I shared the speech.  When I worked at Carlinville High School, the ladies in the office loved to hear my "AJ speech".  My thoughts on AJ and his future love life - this was before Abby was in the picture at all.  I shared this with Carter and told him what I always said about AJ applies to him as well.   

"Get married or not, that is HIS choice.  Not my choice at all. It doesn't matter to me.  I was never one of those mothers who was pushing for him to marry.  I don't have the right to do that.  HIS LIFE.  Have a child or not.  Again, his choice, not mine.  I was never one of those people who was pushing to have a grandchild.  Not my choice to make and again, I don't have the right to tell him that.  BUT.... I have one suggestion.  IF he wanted to have a child, he should have a wife.  Not a girlfriend.  Not a baby-mama.  A wife.  Of course, that was only a suggestion.  I can't really mandate that."

(Carter knew enough to point out to me that you don't have to have a wife to have a child.  I pointed out that, no... people don't, but YOU DO.  AJ did, too.  I suppose I tried to make that a mandate.)  

"BUT.. I did have one rule.  A non-breakable rule and Carter must follow it as well.  This "wife"... CANNOT be a Cub fan or a Blackhawk's fan."

I mean, My Lord, can you imagine some woman putting Jack Sanson's grandchild in a Cubs or Blackhawk's shirt???  That wouldn't be good for anyone.  If I was mandating all this today, I'd include the Predators.  I really don't like them - a lot.

Thankfully, AJ complied with all and did very well.  Abby is not only a life-long Cardinal fan, but she has no desire to move from the St. Louis area. But, I realize that God will either keep them on that path or lead them in another direction.  And as I've always done... I'll trust Him. 
AJ is teaching Abby the joys of being a hockey fan and she's done well with that, too.

Carter felt that he, too, could comply with all that.  But, again, as any 12 year old should.. he doesn't really know his plans yet.  I guess he hasn't met "the one".  If he's on the AJ plan, he has 18 years to go before he meets her. 

I'm so grateful for Carter's wisdom already beyond his years.  Blessed with him, his brother, and all my other little ones in my life - my great nephews and great nieces, the 2 great grand nephews and especially our sweet Reilly.  I pray everyday that they all find their path in life.  Their passion and their joy.  And that they surround themselves with wonderful, supportive friends and perhaps a life partner and family of their own.  

I will always be their biggest cheerleader.  They will always have my love.  

Grief, despair, but God. Always God.

When I was a teenager, my uncle died suddenly at the age of 51.  If you remember much from my past posts about my dad's family, you'll remember that my grandfather died in 1934.  At the time, this uncle was oldest child at the age of 12.  My dad was nearly 5 and there were 3 other children in between.  This uncle became the family patriarch at a young age.  He was my grandma's solid rock.  Everyone's hero.  Then one night, he didn't feel well.  He got up from bed and sat in his chair.  In that chair, his heart stopped.  It was devastating for everyone.  Especially my grandma.  As the adults said at the time, they didn't think she'd ever stop crying that day.  She did, but I think she also stopped living. She could laugh and smile easily.  But, I don't know if she ever did after that.  Her heart was so broken that a few months later she suffered a stroke.  Then some other medical downhill slides.  Just over a year after his death, she suffered, but survived a heart attack of her own.  She spent the last months in bed, and then her heart stopped, too.  
Out of these sad things came a life lesson for me.  I remember the adults talking after all this had transpired.  They didn't know which was worse.  Losing someone suddenly or watching someone you love slowly deteriorate and suffer.  Of course, we all know the answer now.  Both situations have their tragedies and their blessings.  
It's obvious that the biggest tragedy in either scenario is the age of the person.  Young people aren't supposed to die.  I remember going to a funeral of a friend who passed from cancer and telling her sweet mother who I'd known since childhood, "It isn't suppose to work like this.  Mama's aren't supposed to bury their babies."  She looked at me with tremendous gratitude and said "No, it's not, and thank you."  It felt good for me to acknowledge that for her.  Everyone else was sad and giving condolences, but overstating the obvious sometimes is just what a person needs.
So, yes, the tragedies are obvious sometimes.  But, the blessings.  Those are harder to find.  Sometimes there just aren't any visible blessings and sometimes that's when we need our faith more than anything.  Especially in a sudden passing.  That's when we really just have to believe this was God's plan.  And the only time you may finally see the blessing in it, is the next time you see someone you love suffer in death.  We realize only then that the sudden death of our loved one was truly a blessing for them. And when a loved one is at peace, it has to be a comfort for us.  
When someone is ill and slowly withering away, we find ourselves in prayer often.  For them and for their loved ones.  For the doctors, nurses and caregivers.  I once had another friend with one of those "bad" cancers.  We prayed for his health.  For remission.  For a cure.  But, I also knew that eventually we would pray for him to have peace.  And we did.  And he did.  Then we turned our prayers to ask for the comfort and peace for the family.  The blessing in the slow death is that it just brings us all closer to God. Smaller blessings when we see that they rallied just enough to wait for one of their loved ones to travel to their side.  Or, sometimes to just come and say good-bye so then the peace can come for all.  Or after a year of ups and downs the blessing is that in the end, you know it's time and you find your greatest blessing in all of it.  You were the one holding their hand at the end. Maybe you find yourself trying to pray for Jesus to come to the room.  Maybe the words aren't coming to you and you realize later, it was because Jesus was already there.  Not that I'd know all that first hand.
Slow deaths can bring the blessing of relief for all.  An acceptance that God's will be done. It's harder to accept God's will in a sudden death.  But, it's there, just the same.   

Hard times without death will bring us closer to God, too.  I won't say when, but not so very long ago I was at the bottom.  Tears all day, everyday.  Not really caring if I lived or died.  I don't tell you that to scare you.  I never once thought of hastening my end, but I just wouldn't have cared.  I prayed a lot for the situation.  Then, I'd cry.  Then, I'd be so exhausted I'd rest.  Then start all over.  It was the most difficult time in my life.  (so far).  I think one thing that gives us all hope is in hoping our best days and times are still ahead.  But, there may be a fear that the worst times are not behind you, but also ahead.  

After a few months, I realized the person who had been hurt most in the situation that caused me such despair, had already forgiven others. I knew I had to take her strength and try to forgive, too.  And, there was Jack.  The love of my life.  Lost as he could be during those times I realized he didn't deserve to come home and find me so distraught everyday.  So, I pulled myself up.  With the help of my prayer books, my Bible, a wonderful circle of friends and family, and my enormous love for this guy.  I thanked God for him everyday.  I still do. My rock bottom brought me closer to trusting in Our Lord.  There has been some peace for me.

But, I'm not fully cooked yet. I realized not too long ago, that since that time, I haven't allowed myself to shed tears of sadness.  My fear is if I start, or give in to that, I won't have the strength to stop again.  Yes, I know I don't need my own strength if I rely on God's strength.  But, I think I've used up way more of His time than I'm allotted.  Even though I know first hand, the love and devotion to a child never ends. Never. Thank you, God. Thank you for Your Son Who taught us to love and forgive. I'm still working on the forgive part, and lately, some friends of mine and I have all needed that unending love, strength and hope.

"I take a lot of Your time, when I should be strong.  I should be standing by now, but it's You I'm leaning on." 
        -- Won't You Hold Me While I Cry by Karen Peck

I tell you all this to leave you with one thought.  How many really bad days have you had?  How many devastating times have there been for you?  
And, how many did you survive?

Give yourself a gift today:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhdD1C_wVy8

TV: Grandpa called it "the idiot box".

Do you watch the TV show "This Is Us"?  I do.  AJ, Abby and I discuss it sometimes.  I'm usually more fond of comedies, baseball, hockey and Hallmark movies.  Although as many of you know I can't watch post season play that involves my Cardinals or my Blues.  It makes me too anxious.  So right now... it's just baseball.  The sports are what we call in our house - "reality TV". 

But back to "This Is Us."  The series is coming to an end and tomorrow night (Tuesday) will be the last show.  The series finale.  Last Tuesday was the second to the last one.  It was amazing.  If you don't know much about the show, it is about a family with 3 children.  2 sons, 1 daughter, 2 white children and 1 adopted black child.  The series has, through flash backs and sneak peeks forward, shared the life, dynamics and intertwined relationships of this family.  Tuesdays episode fast forwarded the family by probably 10 years as it showed the mother in her final days of Alzheimer's.  Last Tuesday was her final day.  
There were some interesting conversations as she subconsciously made her mental path backwards through her life leading to the caboose of life.  The train metaphor was something only real fans would remember and understand. Real fans would also be the ones who understood some of the people her memory encountered on her final journey.  But 2 things were extremely enlightening to me.
Now, I have to stop and say, this has happened to me before through the wonders of television.  Many years ago a show called "Picket Fences" aired a Christmas related story that really stuck with me.  Just like this episode of "This Is Us", there were 2 conversations within the story that have caused me to reflect on them sometimes. From "Picket Fences" I contemplate that...   1. Doctors can do all they can for a patient and when they can't do anymore, the only thing left for them to do is pray. We think they have all the answers.  But they need God just as much as anyone.  2.  When Christ does come to us again, will we really, really be ready to accept the responsibility and have the courage to defend that He is who He says He is?  What government would relinquish all power to Him.  Would the Pope himself step aside?  
Yes, that's a lot, but it has stuck with me for many years.  Especially #2.  What will we do? What will I do?  What will YOU do?

This past Tuesday on "This Is Us", when the dying mother was taking that mental walk through her life, she shared with the doctor who delivered the children that she made a lot of mistakes.  Side note:  In the show she tragically lost her husband when the children were teenagers so she was a single parent from then on.  He told her there are "no perfect games in parenting, not even close."   Yes, I've known that for years and can certainly identify with the imperfections of the parenting game, but what he followed up with really stuck with me.  He told her that her job with her children was complete and now she just has to trust the process. Even with all the mistakes made, she really made a great thing of it all.  A "big, messy, gigantic, spectacular thing." 

Have you met my son?  I always said I wasn't a perfect mother.  I didn't marry the perfect father and we didn't have the perfect son.  But, what we had and continue to have is something pretty amazing.  We have something pretty messy and quite spectacular. In spite of his imperfect parents and this imperfect world, AJ grew up just fine.  He's an adult that we are very proud of.  (as predicted by one of his 6th grade teachers - almost verbatim).
Did we make mistakes?  YEP!!!  In the past few years as I have looked back I can give you quite a list of the things we did wrong.  Specifically, the things I did wrong.  The places where I screwed up or dropped the parent ball.  But, I also realized this... that AJ might just have a list of his own.  I hope he is forgiving of the times when he felt that we let him down.  Times when we messed up as parents.  But, here's the irony of all that.  I'm sure that his list and my list would be comprised of completely different events.  What the doctor was saying to Rebecca in the show the other night was to give yourself a break.  Allow yourself to forgive your humanness. Trust the process.  

Even though he's all grown up, I know that our job won't be done until we lay down in our own caboose.  Jack and I want to always do anything we can for him and his family.  Whatever they need.  But, he and Abby are navigating their way through life, careers and parenting. Dr. Phil always says you shouldn't try to be friends with your children.  I understand some of that.  When they are young, you are not their friend.  You're the parent.  The teacher.  The tour guide through life.  But, when they become adults and you let go of the parenting reins a bit, then you can become friends.  Maybe older, somewhat wiser friends who can still help them navigate some things in life.  As parents and humans, they'll make mistakes. As the older wiser, parents, humans and friends - we'll still make mistakes. But Reilly will be just fine because she has all she needs.  She has 2 parents who adore her and adore each other.  She has 4 grandparents willing to support her in all she does and never say "no".  Okay, maybe not "never".  She'll hear "no", if it involves her safety or the purchase of a Cubs or Blackhawks shirt.  But, in today's world, having all that love and guidance behind her - that's everything. Trust me.  I spent a lot of time working in schools.  Elementary, middle and high.  So when I know a child has all that, it is easy to "trust the process".   Easier and more comforting to Trust God. 

At the very end of the show when the mother finally reaches the caboose, she tells her guide (who happens to be the biological father of her black son), that the ending is very sad.  He tells her if something makes you sad when it ends, it must have been pretty wonderful when it was happening.  Somewhere in there is the message to enjoy each day.  At least that's the message I take with me.  Enjoy it for what it is.  Not always perfect.  But there are so many good things in life to celebrate.  So many things to be thankful for.  Enjoy the wonderful while it is happening.  The end may still be sad.  There may still be bad things, sad things and unsettling things that happen along the way.  But enjoy the good.  Mr. Rogers tells us to "look for the good when bad things happen."  (By the way, Mr. Rogers loves me just the way I am.)

Yes, we've all heard the clichés.
  
"Worrying does not take away tomorrow's trouble.  It only takes away today's peace."
"You can't change yesterday, but you can ruin today by worrying about tomorrow."
"One day at a time."

I'd heard all those quotes and more.  But this time it was with full illustration. I'm a visual learner.  This more than anything in any of the above messages has flipped a switch in my head.

I'm trying to focus more on the good things in life.  There should be no complaints from me.  I have the best life partner ever. The greatest son and daughter-in-law.  The absolute most beautiful granddaughter.  A wonderful extended family.  And now, what in just a few short weeks appears to be the smartest and best cocker spaniel granddog.  Life really is good.  Include God in your every day and it's even better.

Life and relationships can be very complicated.  They can be heartbreaking.  Sometimes difficult to navigate.  And yet, they are a "big, messy, gigantic, spectacular thing." 

Post Note and more TV Trivia:  Gerald McRaney who played the doctor on "This Is Us", is one of my favorite actors.  In the 80's he was on a show called "Simon and Simon".  He and his brother were private detectives. He played Rick, the wilder of the two.  Jameson Parker played his brother - the youngest but more responsible one of the two.  Always in a suit, etc.  His character's name was A.J.

John was always going to happen.  But when we put Andrew before it, it just sort of popped out at us.