Questions and answers

I'm retired, people.  I'm happy and I stay as busy as I want to be.  I think some people don't understand that.  And as time goes on I feel less and less need to explain it to them.  More about that later.
I retired at the end of the 2017-2018 school year.  May 2018 to be exact.  I was nearing 61. When I realize that was just 2-1/2 short years ago, it surprises me as it seems like it should be longer ago. So much has happened in those 2-1/2 years to verify that it was time for me to retire.  I knew it was time.  Many readers here know that I worked at various jobs in my life starting at age 18.  At the age of 29, I took about 8 years off to be the Mom.  During those days in the late 80's early 90's, women weren't supposed to be "just a mom".  When women who were stay at home moms (SAHM) would meet new people, or their husbands co-workers and were asked.. "what do you do?", many felt sheepish about saying they didn't work outside the home.  Being a mom was an embarrassment to them. But, when I was asked, I very proudly and boldly and without any hesitation or shame, said, "I'm the mom!" (notice not A mom, THE mom).  Then I would share our son's current age, etc.  No one ever (and after the way I said it, did not dare to) ask if I had plans to go back to work someday.  And many wisely acknowledged that what I was doing was a huge job.  I don't want to bash women who kept working when their children were little.  They, too, were doing what they wanted or in some cases what they had to do financially.  I read around the time of my SAHM days that whichever choice you make - if you are okay with it and comfortable with it, then your children will be, too.  That made sense to me and in fact, I've seen the results both ways.  Unhappy and miserable will trickle down to the kids.  Happy and content will trickle up.
Eventually I went back to the "real" workforce and for many years worked in the school system in Rockdale County GA.  I was the "computer lady" there.  Or if you were in Kindergarten " 'puter lady".  But, make no mistake, I was still THE mom.  After Jack retired from AT&T and we moved north, I spent the first full year plus on the house.  Then I worked as a sub for the schools, a very part-time study hall monitor for one year, a short stint in another job where I tolerated a bully of a boss for 3 whole months and then went back to subbing and eventually, I started to work at Carlinville High School in the Fall of 2011 in a secretary/bookkeeper position.  Second to my "mom" job, that one was truly the best other job I've ever had.  But, after 7 years, it was time for Jack and I to work on our bucket list of travels and some of those didn't work well with the school calendar.  (Didn't work so well in 2020 either, but I digress). When I told my principal about my plans to retire at the end of the 17-18 school year, he was not surprised at all.  He said, "Well, you told me you'd be here 5-7 years.  It's been 7 years, so I figured you were close to this."  He wasn't surprised.  I can't believe he remembered that conversation from 7 years prior. 
It was time.  Did I already say that?  It worked out well for me.  AJ had met the love of his life and in that first year, they became engaged and it wasn't long after that I was involved in wedding planning.  Shower planning.  Rehearsal planning.  Hospitality accommodations planning. Before and during some of that my mom had health issues and needed some attention.  Thankfully she is now doing great.  Also in that first year, we had a big parade to attend in St. Louis in June 2019.  I thank God everyday that the wedding and that parade all took place in 2019.  Because after that, it was 2020.   (da-da-da-dum)
AJ & Abby had bought a house and I decided it was now time for him to take some of his sports memorabilia to his own home.  I started to dismantle the décor of the basement.  That was a JOB.  Eventually, the pandemic hit harder and being retired gave me plenty of time to go through the process of cancelling 4 vacations.   Jack was home for about 2 months. I convinced him to spend some time in the basement consolidating his 5-6 boxes of old St. Louis sports newspapers down to one.  He did.  He eventually went back to work and I eventually painted that basement room.  It's quite big and it took me 3-4 days to paint it just one coat.  Done and freshened. When things lightened up in pandemic numbers during the summer, I had a garage sale. Since then, even with the pandemic, I've kept busy. So please people, don't worry about what I do with "all my time."  

Which brings me back to those people who just don't understand.  In the very beginning of my retirement I would sometimes get the question... "What do you do with your days?"  This came mostly from one person in particular and I always felt it was very condescending.  I suppose I should have given this person the answer they were thinking anyway.. "oh, I sit and eat bon-bons all day and watch soap operas."   Some people just don't understand the fine art of puttering around the house doing things.  To be honest, then and now, I don't really have a definite answer to that question, but I can assure any of you who are worried about me that:  1.  I have no idea what I do all day.  2. I keep busy all day.  And finally 3. It's really none of your dang business anyway.  I still find a few others who continue to ask me what I've been up to - in a very condescending way.  Some people don't understand not needing to have a "real" job to be happy. 
I sometimes think I should point out to these people that in these past 2 1/2 years, I have read through and touched on some Bible study in 2 different formats.  Then, I could ask if they've ever read it even once?  But, then that would be too snarky and go against the things I've read in the Bible.
Jack likes his real job. He's happy going to work each day, but, in this particular job, he can take off whenever and as much as he wants.  If I could have done that at CHS, I'd still be there.  Having said that, I've been very thankful to not have been working in a school system this past year. 
Going forward, feel free to ask what I've been up to, if you want.  It's not what you ask, it's how you ask it.  Just like in my stay at home mom days when people would ask what I "did".  My answer wasn't what I said, but how I said it.  How - makes a big difference. I wasn't ashamed of what I did then, and I'm not ashamed of what I do now.  So just don't try to make me feel like I should be when you ask.  You can chalk that attempt up as being one of the failures of your life.  If you wanted me to feel badly in some way, it didn't work.  Fail. 
Before you ask, I currently have a few overly organized tasks that I'm working on or want to work on. THIS makes me happy.  You be happy, too.

It's time for my afternoon walk.    And, by the way, although today he is 34, I'm still THE mom. I really don't understand people who think that job ever stops.

Honey, vinegar, Christmas lights and grocery carts

I believe it was Maya Angelou who said "when people show you who they are - believe them."

One of the first times I realized this was way before I heard it uttered from Ms. Angelou.  I was less that 30 years old.  Jack and I had just moved to a new house.  After a day of settling in, one of the neighbor couples came by to meet us.  Translation - get the info on who we were.  As they sat and visited, the lady in this couple started to tell us about all the other neighbors in the cul-de-sac.  Nothing major - just their names, how many children they had, if any, etc.  When she got to the house in between theirs and ours, she mentioned that they were (we'll just say) Sam and Sue.  She went on to tell me, with pursed lips, that they weren't married.  "We neighbors have tried to convince them to marry, but they just haven't." (Insert her semi-rolled eyes smile here).  I realized in that moment with that statement, she was telling me way more about herself than she was about them.  I have to add that we all became friends while living in that cul-de-sac and she is still the only one that I have contact with.  I guess I found out that she was better than that first impression.  (I checked and she's not on the blog reader list). 

There's currently a Meme in the internet world that says something like this:

"Talking about someone else says more about you than the person you are talking about."

True.  

But, there are other ways for you to show someone who you really are. 
How do you handle tangled Christmas lights?
This will annoy you but, I pack mine away in such a way that they don't get tangled. 
How DO you handle spilled milk?

I can tell a lot about you with just 2 critieria.
1.  How you treat waiters and waitresses?  The checkout people at the store?
2.  Do you return the grocery cart to a cart corral? 

Seriously... those 2 things really, REALLY say a lot about you. 
Put the grocery cart AWAY.  That speaks to the idea of leaving something better or as good as you found it.  Pay it forward.  Someone might have spent years and years of saving for a brand new car.  They don't need a grocery cart ramming into it. 
I understand bad service, but you have no idea what that person may be going through in their life.  It's possible the issues are in the kitchen and not with the wait staff.  Or maybe they were to get off an hour ago and were told to stay and all they can think is how they will be late picking up their kids at daycare.  Which sometimes comes with more of a financial penalty than they will make in that extra forced hour of work.  I get that it's not your job to find out and fix it, so just treat them kindly.  HELL, treat everyone kindly for that same reason. 

Again, I understand that a service person - or anyone can treat you like crap, too.  There's a fine line between taking their crap and putting them in their place.  Be smart enough to do the latter without vulgar language and insults.  Words of encouragement might change them more than anything.  And sometimes, you may just have to walk away - taking the high road. You can't fix stupid, you can't fix their problems in an instant.  So... Move on.
Remember, Grandma said "You can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar."
I suppose we are to understand the analogy in that, but I really find flies annoying.
Sorry, that's counter productive to my point.  Maybe it should say you can garner more sweetness with honey than with vinegar.

What prompted me to think of all this?  The other day I was in a big sports type store.  As I was walking in, they had a box of masks there for people who forgot theirs.  There was a lady simply waiting for her husband to check out - and as they were leaving the store, she helped herself to about 4-5 masks. Again, on the way out of the store, she just helped herself. She didn't appear to me to be someone who couldn't afford her own masks.   

I have no idea who she was, what her name was, or her financial status, or anything else about her statistically.  Such as, I just assumed it was her husband.  It could have been a friend, brother, life partner... ?   I didn't know much about her, but, I knew that I wouldn't want to be her friend.   Unless she worked at a shelter and was going to hand them out to the homeless. But, then if that was the case, just ask the check out person if you can take a few.  I'm sure they would approve and say "sure".  So I suppose without knowing her story, if given the chance for an encounter, I would have just been kind to her. That's the high road.  Oh, and...  They only had one bag to carry out, so they didn't need to take the cart outside. Therefore, I didn't feel the need to follow them out there and assess their character any further.