I'm working on a project that has me diving into my old blog "The Leef Blower". Circa: 2008-2011. Don't try to find it. You'll get ads for "leaf blowers". They just don't know how to spell it right.
The Leef Blower was a blog I did during our Georgia to Illinois move 13 years ago. I believe I mentioned it in an earlier blog here. But, in my diving into this particular project I'm going back thru all the posts and even though I should just be doing a copy and paste right now for this project, I find myself stopping and being caught up reading some of the posts. I think I also mentioned before how raw my emotions were sometimes during those days. In all this, I'm finding little stories and events that I forgot about.
The beginnings of the blog were about a month before we put our house on the market. The stories traveled on thru the process of dropping the price, selling, closing, moving out and all the emotions and memories of a house where we raised a little boy from the age of 3 to just beyond his 20th birthday. There was a memory that I'd forgotten when in my final hours in the old house I called AJ and told him I thought he should have one final call from his "home". His brilliant response was, "won't I have another home someday?" Of course I've always remembered another conversation I had with him in the middle of all the move chaos when I asked him how he felt about us selling his childhood home. His response that time was "Wherever you are is my home." Have I ever mentioned how amazingly intelligent our son is?
Tucked in this old blog were memories of final farewells to friends and acquaintances. There were a few events and things that I'd forgotten about. Names I'd forgotten about. The process of AJ trying to decide to transfer to SIU-E or stay in Georgia to continue college. Thankfully, he chose the former. But that's where there were a lot of emotions between the lines.
Then, Illinois. And with that came the building process, our adventures at the rental house, AJ's entry into the small town life with family all around, another moving day, unpacking, settling in, my job hunting and the first few years of life in Carlinville. As I settled in and started to wander about the town, there were encounters with people I hadn't seen in many, many years and people that I didn't recognize. Eventually I stopped blogging around 2011. I tried again for a while in 2013, but stopped again. But it's those post-Illinois blogs that caught my attention today.
AJ was at SIU-E. So many blogs mentioned him and his friends popping up here for a visit. Sometimes just as they passed thru. Sometimes, Jack and I going to Edwardsville, or me and AJ meeting up for shopping. It seems anytime I was in that area shopping, AJ came along. Sometimes one or two of his friends would join us.
I also forgot that he worked a day or two at American Eagle at St. Clair Square before he got his job valet parking in St. Louis. I'd forgotten that he was working at SIU-E on Landon's first birthday party in 2010 that we had here at our house due to the numbers of invitees and Michelle and Doug's tiny first house. AJ called after work to see if anyone would still be here if he drove up from Edwardsville. Okay, particularly would LANDON still be there. He would. AJ and a friend drove up. So that translated to a happy AJ and happy Landon. They really were the best of buddies. I have a lot of photos and videos to back that up!
There was another time when he and a friend were passing thru and called to see if I had a chocolate cake mix. I did. But, I also had a brownie mix. Which saved me the icing process. That would do! So I baked, they stopped. Another happy time. At the end of almost all those posts I commented on how precious those times were as I knew they would become fewer and farther between as he moved on. I thanked God for those days. I still do.
There were a few blogs that made commentary on the world events at that time. But, since I won't open that political can of worms here, that's all on that.
2010 - Was a very interesting year for me. I left a job in May that I'd only been doing for 3 months, but it was one that took everything from me. Until I re-read some of the blogs from that year, I didn't realize how long the emotional trauma had lingered into the year. The Reader's Digest version can be found in a response I made to Kelley that year during one of our conversations about all this... "Bullies will do that to you." I hope my loved ones never have any work experiences like that. Thankfully about a year later that was all followed up with the best job ever at the high school.
One lesson learned in the years surrounding our move and resettling in the Midwest was that I focused on where we were going, not what we were leaving behind. After all, the rear view mirror is smaller than the windshield for a reason. I also learned that life is truly like a roller coaster. When you are on the ride, remember 3 things: 1. Hold on tight to the person next to you. 2. Try not to vomit. and 3. Every once in a while - SCREAM!
Do you know what the postal abbreviations for Georgia and Illinois are? GA IL
Friday, August 28, 2020
Sunday, August 23, 2020
The Bike Ride
Thirty nine years ago, August 22nd was on a Saturday. Just like it was yesterday. I went on a bike ride that day. How do I remember that? It was a series of events that changed my life and proof that even the smallest of decisions can affect our trajectory.
It was a nice Saturday. I decided to go for a bike ride. In doing so, I realized if I stopped at my parents house, there could be a ham sandwich for lunch. So I stopped. Not really sure if I even ate a sandwich. They were home, but getting ready to go somewhere. I don't remember where. But, I remember that I left their house a little sooner than I had thought I would. I got to the end of the street and stopped at one of the main roads in town, to wait for traffic to clear before I proceeded. My friend, Letia, drove by, saw me and hollered, "Hey! Come to the house!" The "house" was just a few blocks away and it's where she and her roommate Mary lived. So I rode to the house. I went in and a few other friends were all gathered in the kitchen making snacky type foods. We chatted a while, then I asked her what she wanted. She pointed out that they were making the snacks because she and Mary were having a party that night and wanted me, Kathy and Barb to come. She thought she would have seen me during the week to tell me, but hadn't, so she was glad she saw me. These were the days before social media and cell phones, not that she couldn't or wouldn't have eventually called me that afternoon, but now, there I was, message delivered. Also in those days... Kathy, Barb and I spent a lot of time together. Barb was a co-worker and Kathy is my 2nd cousin. Barb was busy that evening with David, but, Kathy and I went to the party.
We were in the kitchen at the party and there was a guy there, that I recognized. I remember about 10 years prior to all this that he would hang out at Tom Thumb Park and play basketball with all the "kids", including my 2 brothers. He was older than the kids and at that time what I knew about him was that he had just gotten out of the Army, was working at Pressler's Conoco and was a bit "crazy". In a fun way. Around this timeframe he was probably about 21 and I was about 14. No thoughts at all about him in any way other than what he was.... an old guy and a friend of all the other guys at Tom Thumb Park. I remember taking a call from him one time when he was looking for Paul, my brother, so they could get a game going. Paul was at work, but why on earth would I have always remembered that he called once and we talked on the phone?
So now, here we are nearly 10 years later in Mary and Letia's kitchen and there was the old guy from those basketball days. He was talking to a lady, a married lady, that I knew back in high school. She was a year younger than me, but her husband was my age. Believe it or not, but in those days I was a bit shy in social situations so I don't know what compelled me to say to him... "Hey, I know you. You're Jack." Yes, he was and just who was I? So I told him. I'm sure my last name got his attention because in his high school years he dated a 4th cousin of mine who just happened to have the same last name. So we chatted a bit. I don't remember how the conversation proceeded but, at some point he mentioned Bobby Orr. Well, now, if you want to talk about Bobby Orr, then I'm your expert. So I chimed in with some factoids and I think he was quite impressed. Eventually I wandered to the back porch and he followed me out there. We talked some more, danced a bit, drinks and fun all around. Eventually Kathy went home. We'd driven separately in case one of us wanted to leave early. As for Jack and I, eventually sat out in the back yard in the BBQ pit until 5 in the morning - talking.
Shall I say the rest is history? It really wasn't that easy, but nothing of any worth is ever easy. Jack had just moved back into the "area" with AT&T. The "area" was Peoria which was 120 miles away. But he had 2 bassets that were staying with his parents while he was living in a hotel in Peoria and house hunting. When I say he had "just" moved back - he'd only been back in Illinois about 2 weeks when we met. He had jumped at the opportunity to get closer to "home" and had just transferred from Birmingham, AL. So, he was in Peoria during the week and came "home" every weekend. We ran into each other a lot on the weekends. Eventually on purpose. Eventually he found a house so he didn't come every weekend, but he came to Carlinville quite a lot. When he did we hung out with the same group of friends. Sometimes that small group could swell to several when real parties kicked up. But, it wasn't until December when we realized our friendship could be a bit more. And, because of snow storms - although there were a lot of late night phone calls - it wasn't until March when our relationship really grew. And, the rest... really is history.
So if it's a nice day, I'd recommend you take a walk or take a bike ride. Enjoy the results whatever they may be.
It was a nice Saturday. I decided to go for a bike ride. In doing so, I realized if I stopped at my parents house, there could be a ham sandwich for lunch. So I stopped. Not really sure if I even ate a sandwich. They were home, but getting ready to go somewhere. I don't remember where. But, I remember that I left their house a little sooner than I had thought I would. I got to the end of the street and stopped at one of the main roads in town, to wait for traffic to clear before I proceeded. My friend, Letia, drove by, saw me and hollered, "Hey! Come to the house!" The "house" was just a few blocks away and it's where she and her roommate Mary lived. So I rode to the house. I went in and a few other friends were all gathered in the kitchen making snacky type foods. We chatted a while, then I asked her what she wanted. She pointed out that they were making the snacks because she and Mary were having a party that night and wanted me, Kathy and Barb to come. She thought she would have seen me during the week to tell me, but hadn't, so she was glad she saw me. These were the days before social media and cell phones, not that she couldn't or wouldn't have eventually called me that afternoon, but now, there I was, message delivered. Also in those days... Kathy, Barb and I spent a lot of time together. Barb was a co-worker and Kathy is my 2nd cousin. Barb was busy that evening with David, but, Kathy and I went to the party.
We were in the kitchen at the party and there was a guy there, that I recognized. I remember about 10 years prior to all this that he would hang out at Tom Thumb Park and play basketball with all the "kids", including my 2 brothers. He was older than the kids and at that time what I knew about him was that he had just gotten out of the Army, was working at Pressler's Conoco and was a bit "crazy". In a fun way. Around this timeframe he was probably about 21 and I was about 14. No thoughts at all about him in any way other than what he was.... an old guy and a friend of all the other guys at Tom Thumb Park. I remember taking a call from him one time when he was looking for Paul, my brother, so they could get a game going. Paul was at work, but why on earth would I have always remembered that he called once and we talked on the phone?
So now, here we are nearly 10 years later in Mary and Letia's kitchen and there was the old guy from those basketball days. He was talking to a lady, a married lady, that I knew back in high school. She was a year younger than me, but her husband was my age. Believe it or not, but in those days I was a bit shy in social situations so I don't know what compelled me to say to him... "Hey, I know you. You're Jack." Yes, he was and just who was I? So I told him. I'm sure my last name got his attention because in his high school years he dated a 4th cousin of mine who just happened to have the same last name. So we chatted a bit. I don't remember how the conversation proceeded but, at some point he mentioned Bobby Orr. Well, now, if you want to talk about Bobby Orr, then I'm your expert. So I chimed in with some factoids and I think he was quite impressed. Eventually I wandered to the back porch and he followed me out there. We talked some more, danced a bit, drinks and fun all around. Eventually Kathy went home. We'd driven separately in case one of us wanted to leave early. As for Jack and I, eventually sat out in the back yard in the BBQ pit until 5 in the morning - talking.
Shall I say the rest is history? It really wasn't that easy, but nothing of any worth is ever easy. Jack had just moved back into the "area" with AT&T. The "area" was Peoria which was 120 miles away. But he had 2 bassets that were staying with his parents while he was living in a hotel in Peoria and house hunting. When I say he had "just" moved back - he'd only been back in Illinois about 2 weeks when we met. He had jumped at the opportunity to get closer to "home" and had just transferred from Birmingham, AL. So, he was in Peoria during the week and came "home" every weekend. We ran into each other a lot on the weekends. Eventually on purpose. Eventually he found a house so he didn't come every weekend, but he came to Carlinville quite a lot. When he did we hung out with the same group of friends. Sometimes that small group could swell to several when real parties kicked up. But, it wasn't until December when we realized our friendship could be a bit more. And, because of snow storms - although there were a lot of late night phone calls - it wasn't until March when our relationship really grew. And, the rest... really is history.
So if it's a nice day, I'd recommend you take a walk or take a bike ride. Enjoy the results whatever they may be.
Monday, August 17, 2020
And she only reveals what she wants you to see...
That title.... it's a line in a Billy Joel song. It popped up on my Facebook memories today. It's from CarPod. I quote CarPod a lot on Facebook. Especially when something hits me hard for the events or feelings of the day. Somehow the right songs seem to pop up at the right times. What is CarPod and why did that pop up today?
CarPod is the iPod that I keep in my car. If I ever go on a long trip by myself, the world could end and I wouldn't know it. I never listen to the radio in my car. Or rarely ever, I just listen to all my tunes on CarPod. There are over 700 songs and almost 400 in my usual playlist. I have many playlists, though. One for Jack. We took an old iPhone 4 a few years ago that was not worth anything for trading and I turned it into his own "TruckPod". There are also some old KMOX radio broadcasts for him in a couple of other playlists. But he likes his Sirius better for now, so that's fine. Lots of variety for Jack.
I have a playlist for Christmas - with words, another Christmas that's just instrumentals. A playlist for the "kids", lots of Raffi on that one... Old MacDonald, Row, row row your boat and Down by the Bay. I think that last one was the favorite of a very young Landon. I also have a Hymns playlist and there have been many times in my life where I just needed those songs. Sometimes I just need our "Precious Lord" to "Take My Hand". Included in this playlist is my "funeral song." Enough said about that for now and hopefully we won't need it for a long time.
Why did Billy Joel pop up in my memories today? Today must have been the anniversary of the first day of my last year working in the schools. I was going in with a different attitude that year. It wasn't a bad attitude. I just knew from the beginning it would be my last year and maybe it was time to disconnect. Disconnecting was harder to do for some of the people I worked with. And my leaving at the end of the year was something that I didn't reveal to appropriate co-workers until it became necessary around February that year. "She only reveals what she wants you to see", was followed with "She can take you or leave you." Don't misunderstand that last line. Leaving a few was hard, but for the most part... Well.... there were a few... that I could take or leave. The song is titled "She's Always a Woman to Me." Insert sideways smile here. Could have segwayed into "I Am Woman" (hear me roar) My departure was the right time though. Except for this year. The plans to travel a bit more got sky-goggled this year. But, I can crank up the Hymns and remain hopeful and remind myself Who's got this. And even more important, Who's got me and the people I love. Mahalia says "He's got the whole world in His Hands." Good news!
I don't sing well at all, but I tend to sing along. AJ told me that I ruined the Eagles for him because those are the songs I would sing along with him in the car in his youth and I was so off key that he doesn't enjoy any of their songs anymore. Oh well.... If that's the only damage done, then I did just fine. (I'm sure it wasn't the only damage done... never is).
Music sparks our emotions. Good and bad. I've said this before and I still truly believe that music rejoices our hearts and can also smooth our soul. It is great to have music for good times and bad times. When we are happy and life is good, we feel like singing. Some of the songs we sing and enjoy listening to are rejoiceful. When times are tough, music can get us through those tough times. Hence, a playlist of Hymns.
Just one song or even a verse or phrase from a song can remind us of people we love, people we've lost and take us to a specific memory of our life. It will either bring a smile to our hearts or the comfort of good memories. That happens to me a lot. There are songs that remind me of specific friends. Some that take me back to a specific time in my life. I mean find a 70's kid and tell me that Maggie May or Smoke on the Water doesn't take them back to high school. And hopefully the good times of high school. I have a few that take me back to the angst of those days, but I also think sometimes we need to go back and remember... but, then, knowing what we know now. Big grin here!
And it can work in reverse. You find yourself it a specific situation and a song pops into your head. One that pops into my head a lot these days is Elton John's, "I can't light no more of your darkness". Oh my!!! We all have people like that in our lives. Sometimes I just can't be there for you, because right now I need all of me for me. But I hope they always know, "in good times and bad times, I'll be on your side forevermore, that's what friends are for."
Many of these people are truly "The Wind Beneath My Wings".
All the songs from our wedding are on my playlist on CarPod. The song that I danced with AJ to at his wedding. The one that was AJ & Abby's "first dance". All those obviously bring a smile to my heart. There are a couple that, even though they are not meant to be spiritual, they are quite spiritual for me. Take "Because You Loved Me" and insert Jesus in there. Feels better now doesn't it? "I'm everything I am because You loved me".
Sometimes it's just the voice I like to hear. Micky Dolenz, Steve Perry, Dean Martin are my favorites.
I could go through each song or many of the nearly 400 on the "Gail" playlist and explain what each one means to me. But that would take forever and after all, I'll only reveal what I want you to see. Some are bit personal. Some would confuse you about how I feel about people or events. But, know this - without any doubt in my mind, "I can't forget, won't regret what I did for love."
And one more thing... Billy Joel also said, "You may be right, I may be crazy, but it just might be a lunatic you're looking for.."
Music can be very complex. But so is life.
Wednesday, August 5, 2020
Today Roy Orbison was on CarPod
I believe I shared a few blogs ago, that I follow Adam Wainwright's online Bible study. (amazing pitcher for the St. Louis Cardinals)
The other day he shared Hosea 10:1-11:11. In this verse, God is annoyed with the Israelites one minute and warmly and fondly remembering His love for them the next minute. Only to get totally annoyed once again. Then again laments that He can't let go, He loves them so...
Bonanza. My grandma loved Bonanza and so do I. In one episode, Wayne Newton was a guest character on the show and in this episode he sings "Scarlett Ribbons". I remember my mom and grandma absolutely loving that so much that every time they got near a record store - yes this was the 60/70's - they would look at Wayne Newton albums to see if that song was on there. I don't believe they ever found it. But, a few years ago, I found a Roy Orbison version and put it on CarPod.
The story in the song goes like this. A parent peeked in to say good night to their child and overheard her, in this case a girl, praying hard for God to bring her some scarlet ribbons for her hair. The parent set out into the night to find scarlet ribbons. But, he/she couldn't find any. "all the stores were closed and shuttered, all the streets were dark and bare. In our town, no scarlet ribbons...." The parent spent a sleepless night worrying about the disappointment for the child when they would awaken to find no scarlet ribbons. "All the night my heart was aching, just before the dawn was breaking.... I peeked in and on her bed..." What do you think? Yep. There they were. Scarlet ribbons for her hair. The parent went on to sing "If I live to be 100, I'll never know from where.. came those lovely scarlet ribbons." I think we all know where they came from. Maybe not directly, but maybe from one of His angels on earth. I have a boy, so I don't think he's ever wanted scarlet ribbons, but the feelings are the same. As parents we want to give them everything. Fulfill their every wish, want and need. But sometimes we just can't. We have to rely on God. I think that really starts when we send them to school for the first time. They will have interactions with other people and situations and we won't be there. They'll encounter friends and bullies and we can't be with them to monitor and correct every situation for them. So, the only thing we can do is pray and rely on God. Then, someday, they head out into the world on their own. And, we pray. When we can't find or give them the "Scarlet Ribbons" they desire, we pray that God will provide.
I remember when AJ was heading out into the world on his own, I had a conversation with a friend and I said I just wonder, worry and hope... did we teach him everything he will need to know to survive in this world. My friend, answered.. immediately... she didn't even take a breath. She just said "WELL NO! Of course, you haven't!" Huh? What? That is not what I expected her to say. This friend who has never had a child of her own. I really thought she'd reassure me and tell me "of course, you have! You've done a terrific job and he'll be just fine." Didn't get that.
The other day he shared Hosea 10:1-11:11. In this verse, God is annoyed with the Israelites one minute and warmly and fondly remembering His love for them the next minute. Only to get totally annoyed once again. Then again laments that He can't let go, He loves them so...
Sound familiar? Okay, maybe not to some of you. But parents? Sound familiar?
I loved this lesson of the Bible because it was just in the past few years that I began to understand how God must love us as we love our own children. Annoying as the dickens one minute. Then, can't get enough of just being with them and loving on them. Then, ready to toss them out the window, only to hover and protect as a Mama Bear and her cub. (Hard to compare my child to a "cub", but that's the phrase and Heaven help anyone who messes with him - even at 33). When AJ was little I used to say, I would never take a ga-zillion-trillion dollars for him, but some days, just offer me a dime... he's all yours.
Adam shared the comparison to our own children as well, and I hate to tell him, that never changes. His children are younger, but 33+ years into this... I sometimes feel the same. But, the annoying times are less and less as they are on their own and out in the world. Or, maybe it just seems like less because we just don't see them everyday.
Adam shared the comparison to our own children as well, and I hate to tell him, that never changes. His children are younger, but 33+ years into this... I sometimes feel the same. But, the annoying times are less and less as they are on their own and out in the world. Or, maybe it just seems like less because we just don't see them everyday.
Bonanza. My grandma loved Bonanza and so do I. In one episode, Wayne Newton was a guest character on the show and in this episode he sings "Scarlett Ribbons". I remember my mom and grandma absolutely loving that so much that every time they got near a record store - yes this was the 60/70's - they would look at Wayne Newton albums to see if that song was on there. I don't believe they ever found it. But, a few years ago, I found a Roy Orbison version and put it on CarPod.
The story in the song goes like this. A parent peeked in to say good night to their child and overheard her, in this case a girl, praying hard for God to bring her some scarlet ribbons for her hair. The parent set out into the night to find scarlet ribbons. But, he/she couldn't find any. "all the stores were closed and shuttered, all the streets were dark and bare. In our town, no scarlet ribbons...." The parent spent a sleepless night worrying about the disappointment for the child when they would awaken to find no scarlet ribbons. "All the night my heart was aching, just before the dawn was breaking.... I peeked in and on her bed..." What do you think? Yep. There they were. Scarlet ribbons for her hair. The parent went on to sing "If I live to be 100, I'll never know from where.. came those lovely scarlet ribbons." I think we all know where they came from. Maybe not directly, but maybe from one of His angels on earth. I have a boy, so I don't think he's ever wanted scarlet ribbons, but the feelings are the same. As parents we want to give them everything. Fulfill their every wish, want and need. But sometimes we just can't. We have to rely on God. I think that really starts when we send them to school for the first time. They will have interactions with other people and situations and we won't be there. They'll encounter friends and bullies and we can't be with them to monitor and correct every situation for them. So, the only thing we can do is pray and rely on God. Then, someday, they head out into the world on their own. And, we pray. When we can't find or give them the "Scarlet Ribbons" they desire, we pray that God will provide.
I remember when AJ was heading out into the world on his own, I had a conversation with a friend and I said I just wonder, worry and hope... did we teach him everything he will need to know to survive in this world. My friend, answered.. immediately... she didn't even take a breath. She just said "WELL NO! Of course, you haven't!" Huh? What? That is not what I expected her to say. This friend who has never had a child of her own. I really thought she'd reassure me and tell me "of course, you have! You've done a terrific job and he'll be just fine." Didn't get that.
I also remember as AJ was heading out into the world that my daily prayer was this. Still is... "God please let him learn the tough lessons in life that You feel he needs, but please administer those lessons as gently as you can."
When AJ took off for Texas just over 9 years ago after college graduation, I remember being surprised at how calm I was. I think I really, really felt that God was sending him just where he needed to be and on the path he was supposed to be on. Since then, I know for sure that He had him on the right path. Even though that path went through a couple more states and a few U-Haul trucks. They were wonderful adventures and Jack and I were blessed to enjoy some great times with him. He was eventually led to the arms of the love of his life. In St. Louis! Where everyone wears Scarlet Ribbons!
Have faith, my friends. You all know me well enough to know I'd do anything for my child. Do all I can for him. Even if that means standing back and letting him learn some tough lessons in life. And then let God do for him what I can't. I pray you all get your "Scarlet Ribbons."
Have faith, my friends. You all know me well enough to know I'd do anything for my child. Do all I can for him. Even if that means standing back and letting him learn some tough lessons in life. And then let God do for him what I can't. I pray you all get your "Scarlet Ribbons."
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