I think most of my regular readers know by now, that the friend I went to visit and referred to in my last blog - has passed away. She left us last Thursday evening. It is all still so hard for me to grasp. She was such a force of nature. Such a wonderfully, sweet lady with a heart bigger than her radiant smile. So many people have shared their condolences, remembrances and grief on social media. I've had many who have reached out to me personally as they know she and I were very close. Thank you to all who have done that. It means more to me than you can imagine.
Her services were yesterday - Sunday, May 16th. They were graveside services as she did not want anyone to come and get sick with this pandemic still being so relevant. I would have gone if I could. But, I have a granddaughter coming into this world and we had planned a baby shower here at our home yesterday. There are really no weekends looking ahead where we could have postponed. This is why I went to Georgia when I did. Because I could go then and I didn't know if I'd be able to go back for services. But, then, we should always visit our loved ones while they are still with us and tell them that we love them. So, yesterday, I did what Debra would have wanted me to do. I spent the day with family and friends and celebrated the greatest of all gifts - the gift of a new life. Debra loved babies. Actually Debra loved everyone. Okay, I know a few people who annoyed her. But, as close friends, there were not many secrets. And I'm keeping this information to myself.
But, I made punch for the shower yesterday and it reminded me of one of my Debra stories. Which reminded me of another. Debra would tell you I always have a side story to every story and sometimes even my side story has another side story. I can still hear her explaining this and me to people. But, back to my story... My Debra could be quite good at what can only be described as the back handed compliment. Or maybe it could be described as passive aggressive commentary. And sometimes I think she only had to use this talent in dealing with me. But, back to the shower. At my niece's request I made a variation of a sherbet ice cream punch that I used to make years ago. I used to make this for showers and things, but I really got away from making punch very much. You see, I thought it was cumbersome to mess with. I remember planning something one time and lamenting to Debra about maybe making punch, but not really wanting to mess with it since it's such a pain. She quietly said something like "yes, it's a lot of trouble to pour a bunch of things in a bowl and stir it." Such a smart-a_ _, my friend. I just looked at her and shook my head, with a sheepish little smile/giggle. I made the punch then and I made it yesterday. It was cathartic and comforting for me yesterday to stir it over and over throughout the day and think of My Debra.
The story that story reminded me of: Another time we and some other ladies met and spent a weekend in Nashville. We shopped at a beautiful antique shop. I came across a resin or cement type dog for a garden, patio, etc. It was a sleeping basset hound. If you know us, you know Jack loves his basset hounds. I decided this particular little dog statue would be adorable on our back porch. So I bought it. I was quite excited about my "find." At the register I was saying just how happy I was to have found it. Again... Debra's comment was something like this. "Yes, in this whole store full of all these beautiful things, I believe that's the one thing I would have been excited to purchase, too." Same head shake, same grin and giggle. His name is Barclay. He's on the back porch sleeping between our 2 rocking chairs. Every time I see him, I think of Debra.
Every time I get one of my Pyrex bowls out to use - the set of 4 that we all got when we got married in the 70's - I think of Debra. She was going to help me make some mints one time and when I got them out of my cabinet she said (and I can still hear it) ... "Awwwwww, you have your wedding bowls." Because of that, I will never get rid of them. Ever.
Now, to the elephants and the baby shower. After discussing with my daughter-in-law about her comfort level in this pandemic and factoring in a few other variables, I decided to have the Carlinville family shower here at our house. Her mom and sister will plan one in St. Louis next month to accommodate the family and friends down there. But, I have a good friend who taught me so much about planning parties and such. A theme is always good. I asked Abby's mom, Helen, what was Abby's nursery decorated with when she was little. "Bears." Okay, that combined with AJ's nursery of rocking horses would be a cute theme. Teddy bears and rocking horses. But, the online invites with both just weren't cute enough for my taste. But, elephants had popped up, too. They were adorable. Then, I realized something. They reminded me of my own paternal grandma because she liked elephants. I may have already mentioned somewhere in a past blog that this paternal grandma/granddaughter relationship that I'd already been a part of was one of the best relationships I've ever experienced. And there it was - my theme. My grandma could be a part of the day with this theme. After all, she would be my guide and role model in this new relationship. So she should be a part of this day. Why her fondness for elephants. Well, back in the old days, you could vote at the ballot box with just one "X". She was a "One X" type voter. She even belonged to ladies groups in and around the elephant party. But, that wasn't the only connection for her and me and the elephants. When I was in 1st grade I was going to need corrective eyeglasses. I wore them for about 6-7 years. But I didn't want to at first. I had no intention of wearing those glasses. But, when we came home from the eye doctor, there he was... My grandma had made a stuffed elephant for me. He was gray corduroy. She was quite a seamstress and could sew anything. She told me if I wore those glasses, I could keep him. Well, I kept him. Until he probably fell apart in the attic.
A few years ago, one of my great nephews had to get glasses. He wasn't balking at it, but I decided traditions need to be carried on. I got him a stuffed elephant. Notice I didn't say "made". His was more the "click - click - proceed to checkout" variety. But I took it to him and told him the story.
So we had elephant invites and a few other elephant things at the baby shower. Abby had said she liked elephants. She likes bunnies, too. But, we just had elephants for now. And in my heart, we had my grandma. I hope the paternal grandma/granddaughter relationship that I'm about to enter is as wonderful as the previous one in my life. I'll just have to channel my inner Mildred. My inner Debra, too. She was also quite good at the grandma and loving thing. Maybe some bracelets.. "WWMD" and "WWDD?"
I hope to be guided by these two amazing women. Both taught me unconditional love. Tenacity. Love. Optimism. Love. How to survive heartache and heartbreak. Did I mention love? And how to do all the above with faith. Above everything, have faith.
Elephants, punch, fake sleeping dogs and wedding bowls are quite helpful, too.
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