Navigating People

Relationships are hard.  Navigating people is always a challenge.
I'm in my 6th decade and I'm still learning how to deal with so many personalities, including my own.  I try to always say the right thing when interacting with other humans. Sometimes, I think I'd do better to say nothing.  But that's not my nature. So I suppose sometimes I just screw it up. 
We all have thousands of people we know and have met.  Some we've parted ways with (see last post) and many are still in our lives.  Old and current neighbors.  Old and current co-workers.  Friends, both old and new, short term and long term.  Those who are close and those better described as acquaintances.  Then, there's the big one.. family.  Old, young, new to the family circle, those who have been in our lives all of our lives, immediate family, extended family and those we describe as "shirt-tail" relatives.  Immediate family. What is the immediate family?  Are there just the 3 of us?  Now the 4 of us?  With Ella, the granddog, that makes 5 of us.  And soon to be 6 of us.  No.  That's not where I stop.  My definition of immediate family expands just a bit more.  It starts with the soon to be 6 of us, but by my definition, it also includes my mom, 3 brothers and their wives, their children, their grandchildren and their great grandchildren.  Then I'd have to add Abby's parents, sister, brother-in-law and nephew.  Not to mention her two grandmas. Add a few close friends and in my mind, these are the people that make up our immediate family.  No less. 
As for extended family, that would include cousins of all degrees, from 1st cousins to however far I can count - usually about 4th or 5th cousins.  Then there's the cousin once removed, or cousin twice removed groups.  The "shirt-tail" relatives are people who may be related to someone I'm related to.  Or they may be on the family tree, but way past those 5th cousins once removed.  
Okay, so I digress a bit from the topic of "navigating people" to define those that are my people.  But, all of them, each and everyone of the above people, neighbors, co-workers, friends and family come to us with a different story.  A different set of memories, life experiences, social and economic differences.  Some are loud and boisterous.  Some are quiet and shy.  Some have a sense of humor and some, well, not so much. Some like adventure and taking risks, some prefer the comfort of their safe place at home.  They come with as many different opinions as there are things to have an opinion about.  And, yet, we must do all we can in our communications and interactions with them to adapt and keep the relationships cordial and friendly.  And in that well defined immediate family group, we especially must do all we can to maintain a loving relationship full of mutual respect.  We must try to show understanding of who they are. Sprinkle that with kindness and some tolerance.  Sometimes to do that, we just have to keep our mouths shut.  Whew, that one is hard for me!  When it comes to family communication and dynamics, many have heard me say this:  "The reason families that get along so well, do get along so well, is because everyone in the family will all get to take a turn at just keeping their mouth shut."  I am sure my family has had to do that for me, and I've already mentioned that keeping my mouth shut is hard for me, but I can do it. I have done it. Sorry for past things I've said and sorry for future things I will say.  There, that covers it.  But, make no mistake - anything I say or have said in the past was never, ever, ever meant to hurt, harm or undermine.  Chattiness may be my nature, but unkindness is not.  If you know me well, you must know that one of my top priorities in dealing with other people is that I want no one, repeat that, NO ONE, to feel uncomfortable in my presence and especially in my home.  NO ONE. 

Speaking of uncomfortable, I'm not fond of that feeling when I think that I must walk on eggshells with someone.  You know the type, don't say anything that could upset them.  Don't rock that boat.  Don't say anything that may be construed by them as offensive. These are usually the kind of people who find everything offensive.  As I said, I don't mean to harm or hurt someone with my words.  That's not in my nature.  But, if I have to walk on eggshells with someone, it makes the relationship so much harder for me.  I can't do that anymore. All I can be is me.  Sorry.  The issue is usually their own insecurities anyway.  I can't fix that. Lord knows I have plenty of my own to deal with.  

One of the things that I need to work on, and something that I've already tried to work on, is to not be so judgmental of people. I'll especially try not to judge those "eggshell" people in the preceding paragraph.  As I said, everyone comes to the table with their own stuff.  Their own history and truths. These are the things that make them who they are.  So I'll do all I can to let them be who they are and try not to judge their quirks.  And hope they are more accepting of mine. I know 2 people in my life that I consider to be the most non-judgmental people I've ever met.  I want to be more like them.  But, here's the thing: I'm Christian enough to know that it is not my place to judge you. But, I'm also human enough to still have an opinion of you. But, I'll try to consider where you are coming from.  I'll try to understand that something in your history and memories make you who you are. Just like the girl in the mirror.  One thing I notice is she's not much of a "girl" anymore.  And, she's not the sharpest pencil in the pack sometimes either.  As she ages more and more each day, I just hope she gets wiser each day.

Navigating people is very complex.  Navigating the girl in the mirror is even harder.