Here We Go Again

We have lived back in Illinois for just a little over 13 years now. Back when we were in the process of moving from Georgia, I created a blog.  At that time in 2006/2007, blogs were a new internet thing and it was a good way for me to keep our family in Illinois informed on how the move was going, where we were in the process, etc.  After we moved, I continued it as it became a way to share with our friends back in Georgia on how we were doing as we settled back into small town life in Illinois around family and such. Eventually I just kind of stopped blogging as there just wasn’t much more news to tell.  And to be honest, I realized only a couple of my Georgia friends were still reading.  I decided I could just e-mail them if they wanted to know how things were going.

A few years ago, I went back and reread some of those old blogs. Oh. My. Goodness. The emotions that were in there were something else.  A bit raw.  Maybe not so much for the reader but for me there was a lot going on. I could see my emotions of those days “between the lines.”  Was it the right choice for us to move?  Absolutely!  Never a doubt before, during or since.  But, the hardest part was waiting to see if AJ would decide to move north to finish his education or was he going to stay in Georgia.  It was quite a process.  And I know a tough choice for him. Thankfully, he made the choice to come north.  And thankfully, life has worked out very well for him. But, as I read those old blogs a few years ago, I got the idea to begin a new blog. This was around 2013. By then I was working outside the home and busy, but still an empty nester.  For whatever reason I thought I could take the time to blog a few times a week.  After all, I sometimes had thoughts and casual observations about life and I enjoy writing.  But, that quickly ended after just a few blogs. What was I thinking?  I had no time for this either.  You see, I tend to be a perfectionist when it comes to the editing process.  So that takes time.  Plus, for that particular blog, I only shared with a very few people that I was even doing it.  I urged them not to share with others without my OK.  But, here’s the thing (and I don’t consider myself a “writer” – no novels in my brain) but I know that part of the writing process is to really open up.  You can’t inhibit what you write based on your audience.  It’s like young children and their “inventive spelling” in the early grades.  I fully support that process for them.  If you give a young child a piece of paper and say – “write a story about your summer vacation… and ALL the words must be spelled correctly and punctuated correctly” – well… I don’t think you’ll get the real story.  They would be quite inhibited.  There wouldn’t be much they could tell you with those guidelines.  But, if you leave out those mandates of perfection – well, you’ll get a great story.  The full story.  Maybe parts of the story mom and dad wouldn’t want them to share.  (heehee)  You’ll also have a wonderful time trying to figure out words like “aspshle”  (especially) or “wundrfl” as they write about their “vukashun” in “minsoda”.  You figure it out.  So… where does that bring me now….. wide open!

Lately, I’ve felt the urge to write again. Maybe that urge is coming from a higher power. Or maybe from within.  Fact is, this is not my original draft.  That higher power, I feel, has already guided me.  (just heard a bird chirp – validation?)  Will I share everything in my life?  No.  Will I hold back on some things?  Yes.  Will I spell all my words correctly?  I hope so.  Will I use proper grammar and sentence structure?  Probably not.  (I mean, my gosh, I have a niece who’s an English teacher so I'm sure I've already blown it)  I WON’T discuss politics - for sure.  I won’t share other people’s privacy - for sure.  Will I discuss God and maybe quote scriptures?  Yep!  This is my journey.  This is my life.  This is Gail trying to make sense of Gail.  Gail trying to make sense or rather interpret things or people in the world and of the world.  But, don’t worry, I probably won’t share all my thoughts and thought processes, because that would scare you into calling the authorities, the “white coats” as it were. 

My first blog about the move was titled “The Leef Blower”.  Yes, that was cute wasn’t it?  My second one that I tried a few years ago, was “Looking Up and Out My Window”. (This one!) Because where my desktop computer sits, I have a window to my right.  It’s not at eye level but a bit higher, so all I can do is look up and out, and I see trees and sky.  But, it’s still a good title, so I decided to revive it.  I deleted all the old posts from 2013.  Remember I limited my audience then, and I still feel the need to keep some of what I posted then, private.  But, with all that’s going on these last few months in this world, about all I can do these days is look up and out my window.  It’s been suggested that we should use this down time to reflect on ourselves and what’s important in life.  Maybe find what we can contribute to the world.  So, I decided to write.  Share with friends and family.  But this time, share with a lot more people and not hold back.  Except for the aforementioned guidelines.  This is a place to record my observations.  Look if you want, don’t look, but I hope you will sometimes take a peek with me.  Maybe I can bring some humor into your day.  Maybe just remind you that God is in control.  Maybe just tell you I had yet another episode of walking into a room and forgetting why.  Maybe you’ll find in one of my blogs that I’ve been where you are and can share some perspective. Those of you who get emails from me know that I’m a bit verbose sometimes. “Detailed” as my friend Beth calls it.  I will be here, too. But, sometimes maybe short and sweet. 

This is where I have to come with a full disclosure though.   This is not the original "first post" to this new blog.  I had one that opened myself up just a bit more than I felt comfortable with.  I shared with a few very close friends and they were supportive.  But, I decided that it was more than I wanted to share just yet.  No worries, I'm okay, but there were some really raw emotions in it and I'm more private than that.

But, what I will share is something that I've learned in the past few years.  I share this because maybe, just maybe some of you have similar situations and need to hear this.   Sometimes you will have to forgive the people who have hurt you, even though there will never be an apology.  And that is even harder when the people who hurt you don’t realize or don’t think they hurt you, so obviously they don’t feel the need to apologize.  You have to go on knowing the acknowledgement and apology will never happen.  Never.
And before you start speculating... it wasn't Jack.  Jack is the reason I've been able to move past some things.
Second lesson of the first original blog... When times are good, it is so easy to praise God and thank Him and rejoice in the good times.  But, when times are bad, you have to know, believe and trust, it’s the same God.  He’s still there.  I know – believe me, I know – when you are in the middle of the toughest of times, it’s hard to have that faith that He’s got this.  But, you must believe… He does. Lynyrd Skynryd said 2 very important things in "Simple Man".  1.  "Troubles will come and they will pass."  And 2. “don’t forget, Son, there is Someone up above…”

Ladies and gentlemen… let’s get through this together.  Be kind. Love each other. That was, after all, God’s purpose for putting us all here… together.

PS:  You can comment on any of my blogs.  I wish you would.  Feedback is good.  Criticism is good. But, political statements WILL be deleted.